A blond a, a brunette and a redhead were at the top of a cliff looking down at the beach. Suddenly a genie appears to them and says "I will grant you each one wish if you'll jump off the side of this cliff." So the redhead jumps off and shouts "Seagull" and turns into a seagull and flies away. Then the brunette jumps off and shouts "Whale" and turns into a whale, falls into the sea and swims away. Finally the blond runs towards the cliff edge, but trips at the last second, as as she falls she shouts out "Shit"
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine. He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself. Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
Everybody knows that Chuck Norris can't shoot a bow even though he got 5 bullseyes in a row. The only reason he got the bullseye is that his arrows know better than to miss.
Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow. A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
What band is a cow favorite? Moody Blues.