A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
Vote:
What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?
He tried to stirrup some interest!
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
A: Because then the children have to play inside.
Q: How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart?
A: Because he's an egghead.
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.