The best animal jokes

A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, money
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes? A: Slow clowns.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
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has 51.31 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, food
What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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has 51.28 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, vulgar
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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has 51.27 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, Chuck Norris, time
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, elephant
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, music
Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde
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