What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.
What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl? A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot.
Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church. He got colt feet.
What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse.
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
Q: What goes "oom... oom"? A: A cow walking backward!
Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? A: Hoppalong Cassidy.