A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes? A: Slow clowns.
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.