Why did the horses kept saying orange juice? Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!
Dog rules 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway. 7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine. 8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If its broken, it's yours.
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass.
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
When Chuck Norris gets angry, forests explode from their own boiling sap. When Chuck Norris laughs, flowers bloom and butterflies hatch.
Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion? Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick.
Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.