What's at the end of Moby Dick?
A whale of a time.
Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret?
He was a blubber mouth.
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse?
A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
A dog goes into a job centre and asks for employment.
‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk.
‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a job at the circus.’
‘The circus?’ says the dog.
‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A: A snake in the brass.
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
A: Fiddler on the hoof.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.