A dog goes into a job centre and asks for employment. ‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk. ‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a job at the circus.’ ‘The circus?’ says the dog. ‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent? A: A snake in the brass.
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned. "Finally, some company!" he thought. While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A: A rotisserie chicken.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.
Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hippo? A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass. The other lives in rivers in tropical countries.