‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
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Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf keeps grimacing.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
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Q. What did one frog say to another?
A. You're such a WART!
What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper !
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
He was a rough rider!
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper?
A Brontosnorus.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini?
A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse?
A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.