‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
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What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away.
Q: Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
A: Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say: "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey.
He chews bees...
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What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
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What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?
Deja phew.
Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
What do you call a dumb bunny?
A hare brain.