‘I spilled spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone.’
Steven Wright
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Q: Why did the duck go to Brooklyn?
A: To buy some quack.
Why does the chicken is sad?
Because his dad is a cock.
Why does the chicken is even more sad?
Because he faces the same future.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before.
"It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted.
Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag.
"Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter.
"All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"
What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?
Deja phew.
What are cat-erpillars afraid of?
Dog-erpillars.
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
Vote:
Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.
A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
"Wow," says the bartender.
"That is really something. Where'd you get it?"
"Africa," says the parrot.