The best animal jokes

Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hippo? A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass. The other lives in rivers in tropical countries.
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fat, Yo mama
Chuck Norris uses live piranhas as bath toys.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?" "Because theres to many cheetahs."
Vote: has 53.58 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, game
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."
Vote: has 53.05 % from 350 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, golf, husband, money, sex
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
What’s the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, health, kids
Question: Why does Tigger smell? Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
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More jokes about: animal
Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions.
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More jokes about: animal, teacher
How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
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More jokes about: animal