The best animal jokes

Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!
Vote:
has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: animal
A penguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car. The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal." "Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."
Vote:
has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, mechanic, work
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?" The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Vote:
has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.
Vote:
has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, hospital
A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
Vote:
has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, duck
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
Vote:
has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, Chuck Norris
How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.
Vote:
has 50.21 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: animal
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Vote:
has 50.17 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, IT
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground. The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at. The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing. They father replies that the two spiders are having sex. It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other. The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg. The father says that they're both daddy long legs. The son stomps on them, killing them. The father asks why he did that. The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."
Vote:
has 49.95 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, sex, vulgar
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
<<<94959697
More jokes →
Page 94 of 153.