Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine. He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself. Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie.
How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize. "To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'" "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? A: Because then they'd be bay gulls.
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow. A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.
Why was cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
What band is a cow favorite? Moody Blues.