The best animal jokes

Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!
Vote:
has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: animal
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?" The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Vote:
has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor.
Vote:
has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.
Vote:
has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, hospital
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt. This happened to him more times than he could count. He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss. He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. He would sneeze just as the buck came into range. He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies. "Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
Vote:
has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, hunting, work
A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the bartender. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."
Vote:
has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, duck
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out. "Good God!" exclaimed the hunter. Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me." The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."
Vote:
has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, hunting, religious
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"? Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, school, teacher
How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids
<<<95969798
More jokes →
Page 95 of 153.