The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Q: Which Bible character had no parents? A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Q: What was the world's first palindrome? A: Madam, I'm Adam.
Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day. They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it. He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"
Little Johnny was in bible study one morning. Sally was sleeping in front of johnny. The teacher asked Sally who our Lord and savior was. Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a pin and she screamed "Jesus Christ!" And fell back to sleep. A little while later the teacher asked Sally who created our world. Johnny poked her in the butt again and Sally screamed "oh my god!" And fell back to sleep. Later the teacher asked Sally what Eve said to Adam after they had their fifth child. Johnny poked her in the butt and Sally screamed "if you stick that thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it!"
Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A: Samson. He brought the house down.
Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”