Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable? A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine. Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges. As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine. I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades. ...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing: "Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…" "What did you see?" "I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…" "Wow horror!" "Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?" "He was sacked for making a grave mistake."
Q: How does every black joke start? A: With the white guy looking over his shoulder.