My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday.
So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
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Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
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What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!
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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
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I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me.
I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?
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Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss!
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In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
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