Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car.
It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
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Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
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Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing:
"Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…"
"What did you see?"
"I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…"
"Wow horror!"
"Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
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Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force?
He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
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Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
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Q: How do you get 15,000 followers?
A: Run through Africa with a water bottle.
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The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.
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