Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers. Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
Q: What was Hitler's favorite drink? A: Concentrated jews.
Q: What's faster than the speed of light? A: A jew passing Germany.
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest. They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper. The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!" The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.