Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain.
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
Q: What do you call a flying Jew? A: Ashes.
A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life. The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies. He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened. The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes. The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black? The golf pro said that they did paint them into black robot caddies, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
What rule could stop HIV in Africa? Sex after dinner only.