W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing? A: Everywhere.
Knock, knock Who's there? I'm Mr, Farter. Mr, Farter who? I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
Q: How does every black joke start? A: With the white guy looking over his shoulder.
Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
Q: Where do one-legged people eat? A: IHOP.