Two cannibals were having their dinner.
One said to the other "I don't like your friend."
The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
Vote:
W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
A: Everywhere.
Vote:
Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
Vote:
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
Vote:
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
Vote:
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.
Vote:
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one.
Break their bones - they have 206.
Vote:
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Vote: