Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire? Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me. I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?
Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue? A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
An apple and a black person both fall off a tree at the exact same time who hits the ground first? The apple because the rope catches the black person.
How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"