Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life. The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies. He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened. The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes. The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black? The golf pro said that they did paint them into black robot caddies, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid? A: An Easy-Bake Oven.