A blind man with a guide dog comes to a town square, takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around. „What on earth are you doing?!" asks a passer-by. The blind man replies, „Nothing, just looking around a bit."
There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid? A: An Easy-Bake Oven.
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!