The best black humor jokes

Two hunters are out in the wood when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator:"My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter seys,"Ok, now what?"
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined? A: For buttering up her clients.
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, morbid, tax
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, terrorist
A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before." The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before." The legless man shakes his head again. Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before." The legless man says, "No." The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
Vote: has 60.66 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Vote: has 60.65 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
Vote: has 60.57 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, music
Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire? Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor