Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof? A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth? A: All of them.
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
Q: What is the point of Jewish football? A: To get the quarter back
A blind man with a guide dog comes to a town square, takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around. „What on earth are you doing?!" asks a passer-by. The blind man replies, „Nothing, just looking around a bit."