The best black humor jokes

I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
Vote: has 83.95 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, relationship
A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis." Stunned, the man asks "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?" The doc replies: "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza." The patient asks: "Will that really help me, doctor?" "No", the doc responds. "But it's all we can fit under the door."
Vote: has 83.94 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Vote: has 83.45 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, kids, marriage
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!"
Vote: has 82.77 % from 182 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, death, family, heaven
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics? A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.
Vote: has 82.77 % from 983 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, sport
How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? His hand slipped.
Vote: has 82.33 % from 104 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!
Vote: has 82.19 % from 130 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, hospital, nurse
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds."
Vote: has 82.05 % from 168 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, work
The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.
Vote: has 81.92 % from 341 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."
Vote: has 81.62 % from 145 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, time