The best black humor jokes

Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
Vote: has 83.40 % from 111 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, redneck
Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
Vote: has 82.83 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, doctor, morbid, sex
"My parachute did not work." Said no one ever.
Vote: has 82.81 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!"
Vote: has 82.71 % from 188 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, death, family, heaven
How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? His hand slipped.
Vote: has 82.65 % from 106 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics? A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.
Vote: has 82.57 % from 990 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, sport
I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
Vote: has 82.28 % from 124 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, relationship
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds."
Vote: has 82.15 % from 169 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, work
A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."
Vote: has 82.10 % from 149 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, time
Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!
Vote: has 81.92 % from 141 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, hospital, nurse