The best black humor jokes

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Vote: has 83.80 % from 201 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
Vote: has 83.60 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
Vote: has 83.29 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, relationship
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!"
Vote: has 83.11 % from 172 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, death, family, heaven
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Vote: has 82.86 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, food, love, men
Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say?,” asked the nurse. “OOPS!”
Vote: has 82.83 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, hospital
A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made. The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies: "Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins".
Vote: has 82.81 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, food, travel
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Vote: has 82.72 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
"My parachute did not work." Said no one ever.
Vote: has 82.72 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics? A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.
Vote: has 82.68 % from 978 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, sport