The best black humor jokes

A nun and a priest decide to take a day off, so they go golfing. The nun gets a hole-in-one, but the priest hits it into a sand trap. He's so angry, he shouts "God dammit, I missed!". The nun reminds him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and the priest apologizes and tries again. He hits it into the rough, and in his anger, shouts "God dammit, I MISSED!". The nun once again tells him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and he apologizes again. On his third shot, he hits it into the water and yells "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED!" and before the nun can say anything, a bolt of lightning strikes the nun, killing her instantly. Out of nowhere, a loud voice booms "God dammit, I missed".
Vote:
has 80.48 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: black humor, god, golf, priest
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Vote:
has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, love, men
"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
Vote:
has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dad, family
I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
Vote:
has 80.43 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: black humor, sport, time
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Vote:
has 80.37 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Vote:
has 80.34 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: black humor
W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing? A: Everywhere.
Vote:
has 80.33 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body. I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"
Vote:
has 80.33 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, cop, death, gym
Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say?,” asked the nurse. “OOPS!”
Vote:
has 80.31 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, hospital
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?” The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea. We’re just painting the corridor.”
Vote:
has 80.25 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, hospital, women
<<<6789
More jokes →
Page 6 of 51.