The best black humor jokes

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
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has 82.60 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, friendship
I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
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has 82.49 % from 179 votes. More jokes about: black humor, relationship
Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"
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has 82.35 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: black humor, family, school
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics? A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.
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has 82.04 % from 1049 votes. More jokes about: black humor, sport
The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.
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has 82.01 % from 410 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"
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has 81.93 % from 390 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, doctor, morbid, sex
My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager. Flying planes, bombing Germans...
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has 81.93 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: black humor
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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has 81.92 % from 588 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, lawyer
Two kids were talking together. First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands." Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?" First: "Yes, of course." Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
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has 81.60 % from 566 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, dad, dirty, kids
A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."
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has 81.48 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, time
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