How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?
His hand slipped.
Late in the night he regained consciousness.
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.
He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"
That, my friends, is a positive attitude!
The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.
I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy "Hey mister its getting dark out and I'm scared."
Man "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall.
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.
The e-mail reads:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
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More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, wife
More jokes about: black humor, death, husband, wife
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.