The best black humor jokes

Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"
Vote:
has 82.11 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: black humor, family, school
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple. The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
Vote:
has 81.96 % from 354 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, old people, phone
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
Vote:
has 81.94 % from 660 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, funeral, husband, women
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
Vote:
has 81.81 % from 614 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, lawyer
On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. "OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!" I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. "Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!" "Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench." Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down. "Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied. "What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously. "I ran a morgue." was the reply.
Vote:
has 81.65 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, time, work
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
Vote:
has 81.62 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, friendship
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics? A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.
Vote:
has 81.32 % from 1076 votes. More jokes about: black humor, sport
How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? His hand slipped.
Vote:
has 81.32 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Two kids were talking together. First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands." Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?" First: "Yes, of course." Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
Vote:
has 81.08 % from 607 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, dad, dirty, kids
This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!
Vote:
has 81.05 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: airplane, black humor, death, morbid, travel
<<<4567
More jokes →
Page 4 of 53.