What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
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Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
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A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
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When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
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What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day.
It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.
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Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
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One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
- Help me, please. I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
- Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
- But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
- I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you.
You must pass here tomorrow.
- But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
- Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
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