Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world?
A: Because everyone hates the black ones. 
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Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven.
And everyone who goes to heaven has to work.
God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies.
Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out.
For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired.
As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
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What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
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An Asian walks into a McDonald's and says, "I'll Have An Eggroll and Some Fry Rye."
"I'm sorry sir we don't serve that. Would you like anything else?"
"I have quarter pounder. And when would you like to pick that up...Hiroshima!"
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Two clones are on a roof.
One clone pushes the other clone off.
The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.
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Q: Why did cow cross road?
A: To find to the udder side.
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I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
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Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever."
The second bum just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fucked her all day long."
The other bum interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?"
To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
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If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
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