The best black humor jokes

I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
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has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, sport, time
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
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has 78.18 % from 210 votes. More jokes about: black humor, golf, money, teen
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
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has 78.15 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, morbid, prison, women
Old man: "Can you give me an erection?" Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."
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has 78.12 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, death, old people
Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes? A: The execution.
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has 78.11 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: black humor, terrorist
There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
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has 78.08 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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has 78.03 % from 188 votes. More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island. Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived. So they come to this agreement. All of the men will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on. Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week. Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies. The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful. It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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has 78.01 % from 710 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, desert island, marriage, sex
In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: black humor, geography, memory, money, old people
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall.
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has 77.84 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: black humor, music