A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
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What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?
Ended a race.
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.
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Use to be we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steven Jobs.
Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs.
Please do not die Kevin Bacon.
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If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
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Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
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Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.
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KFC in Asia?
Korean fried cat.
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What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall.
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Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking.
Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd.
Approaching the owner and he asks him:
"What happened here, man?"
"Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said.
"Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?"
"My dog bit her…"
"You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?"
"Get in line!"
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