The best black humor jokes

At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
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More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, sex
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
Vote: has 78.03 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!
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More jokes about: black humor, food
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Vote: has 78.02 % from 157 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill.
Vote: has 78.01 % from 279 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, money
*Wakes up to wife and son screaming* Me: "What are you guys yelling about?" Them: "You're driving!"
Vote: has 77.83 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, kids, wife
There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
Vote: has 77.74 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Vote: has 77.58 % from 234 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, black humor, disgusting, life, sex
A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down. The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?" "I liked her." "Why did you raped the boy?" "I liked him." "Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?" "I'm afraid I'll like you…"
Vote: has 77.50 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
Vote: has 77.19 % from 131 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor