I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler. He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted "Hi Hitler" and gave him a little wave.
Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet. Chuck Norris can curve a laser.
I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris.
A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!" The bartender does nothing. So the man takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again. "Jesus! He just jumped again!" The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink. "How did you survive that jump?" "I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float." So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink. He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window and... SPLAT! Right on the sidewalk! The Bartender then says, "You know, Superman... you can be a real jerk when youre drunk."
Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice. Except for Chris Brown.
Chuck Norris sleeps with his gun over his pillow.
Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple. Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common? A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
Yo Mama's so fat, she makes Johana Hill look superbad at gaining weight.