Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk. When the bar closes he gets up to go home. He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door. As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face. The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say anything, he leans over and punches her again. This time the nun hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her in the butt, picks her up and throws her against the wall. By now the nun is very weak and can barely move. He leans over her, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says, "Not feeling too STRONG tonight, I thought you would be tougher Batman!"
I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application? Your iphone will keep crashing!
Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris
Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Yo mama's so ugly that slender-man ran from her. She's also the reason why slender-man doesn't have eyes.
Lehman Brothers owed Chuck Norris a fiver. When he asked for payback, well, you know the rest.