Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common?
A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
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Yo Mama's so fat, she makes Johana Hill look superbad at gaining weight.
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die.
Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors?
A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
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So a blonde walks into a Bar at a hotel that has it on the top story and sits Down.
A man in a Trench coat Leans over to her and says,"You should get this beer" *Holds up bottle* "It allows you to do amazing things!"
At this the man stands up, jumps out the window and Flies around twice before coming back into the Building.
The blonde then orders the Same beer.
She drinks it. And then Jumps out the window.
And falls to her death.
The Owner of the Bar then turns to the man in the coat and says, "You know you're a real Prick when you're drunk, Superman."
Rocky Balboa was a lucky man because Chuck Norris didn't pursue a boxing carreer.
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Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?
A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
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Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
Nobody would survive anyway.
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Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers.
Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.
"Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.
"I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce.
"I'll play him."
"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg.
"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.
"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"I'll be Bach," said Arnie.