The best Christmas jokes

Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
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has 67.32 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: atheist, Christmas
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, life
What did one Christmas tree say to the other? You've got a lot of balls walking in here dressed like that.
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has 64.80 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Christmas
A young teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian. She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too. Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air. There's just one girl who doesn't raise her hand. So the teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. The girl says, "Because I'm not a Christian." The teacher asks, "So what are you then? " The girl replies, "I'm an atheist." The teacher's a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she's an atheist. The girl says, "It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom's atheist, and my Dad's atheist, so I'm atheist."rnrnThe teacher is now angry. " That's no reason." she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?" "Then," says the girl, "I'd be a born-again Christian."
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has 64.67 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: atheist, Christmas, kids, religious, teacher
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
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has 64.62 % from 201 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, communication, kids, work
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.
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has 62.94 % from 336 votes. More jokes about: black people, Christmas, kids, mean
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 61.91 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, mean, technology
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas