The best Christmas jokes

To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
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You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
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The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
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One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?" Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Christmas, elf, Santa
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, communication, kids, work
What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve? Answer: "Halo there!"
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More jokes about: Christmas, communication
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
Vote: has 69.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? YOUR BIKE!
Vote: has 66.49 % from 190 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, Christmas, kids, racist
Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Vote: has 66.10 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

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This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
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More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, kids, Santa