The best Christmas jokes

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
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has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: christian, Christmas, church, easter, work
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.
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has 71.81 % from 270 votes. More jokes about: black people, Christmas, kids, mean
The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
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has 71.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris
A young teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian. She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too. Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air. There's just one girl who doesn't raise her hand. So the teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. The girl says, "Because I'm not a Christian." The teacher asks, "So what are you then? " The girl replies, "I'm an atheist." The teacher's a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she's an atheist. The girl says, "It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom's atheist, and my Dad's atheist, so I'm atheist."rnrnThe teacher is now angry. " That's no reason." she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?" "Then," says the girl, "I'd be a born-again Christian."
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has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: atheist, Christmas, kids, religious, teacher
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, life
Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
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has 69.12 % from 214 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, gay, sex
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, life
Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: atheist, Christmas
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 67.10 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: age, Christmas, Santa