The best Christmas jokes

A young teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian. She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too. Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air. There's just one girl who doesn't raise her hand. So the teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. The girl says, "Because I'm not a Christian." The teacher asks, "So what are you then? " The girl replies, "I'm an atheist." The teacher's a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she's an atheist. The girl says, "It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom's atheist, and my Dad's atheist, so I'm atheist."rnrnThe teacher is now angry. " That's no reason." she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?" "Then," says the girl, "I'd be a born-again Christian."
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has 69.82 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: atheist, Christmas, kids, religious, teacher
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 68.01 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.
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has 67.99 % from 294 votes. More jokes about: black people, Christmas, kids, mean
The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
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has 67.31 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
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has 65.54 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, gay, sex
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, mean, technology
If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
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has 64.28 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, flirt, romantic, Santa
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Christmas, life, music