The best Christmas jokes

How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
Vote: has 62.91 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, music
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, communication, kids, work
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: athlete, Christmas, elf
Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, elf, Santa
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, food, Santa
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, men, sex
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
Vote: has 60.41 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, elf, stupid
Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.
Vote: has 59.97 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Yo mama
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, Christmas, family, kids