The best Christmas jokes

Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles? A: Mr. XMass
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, fitness
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
Vote: has 61.59 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, fat, men, Santa, Thanksgiving
Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Vote: has 60.66 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, priest
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
Vote: has 60.24 % from 123 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, men, sex
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
Vote: has 60.01 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, music
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
Vote: has 59.20 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, music
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, communication, kids, work
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, money, religious, time
Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Vote: has 58.52 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, elf, Santa