The best Christmas jokes

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, communication, kids, work
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
Vote: has 62.10 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, music
Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Vote: has 61.59 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, priest
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, food, Santa
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, money, religious, time
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, men, sex
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
Vote: has 60.17 % from 120 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.
Vote: has 59.97 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Yo mama
The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, Santa