The best Christmas jokes

Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, stupid, Yo mama
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, food, Santa
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
Vote: has 60.35 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles? A: Mr. XMass
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, fitness
Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.
Vote: has 59.97 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Yo mama
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, Christmas, family, kids
The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, Santa
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, elf, music
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris