Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles? A: Mr. XMass
The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.