The best Christmas jokes

This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Christmas, life, music
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, food, tax
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, money, religious, time
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Vote: has 53.18 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, geek, Halloween, IT, programmer
Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
Vote: has 47.72 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Christmas, health
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
Vote: has 47.48 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dog, food, little Johnny
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, computer, elf, nerd