The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles? A: Mr. XMass
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!