This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?" Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!