One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner". And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
Yo momma is so poor for Christmas she got a box, put two sticks on it, spun it and said son here's your xbox 360.
Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
Q: Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas? A: So they'll have something to unwrap.
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"