The best Christmas jokes

If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, flirt, romantic, Santa
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, elf, stupid
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: athlete, Christmas, elf
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, life
Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
Vote: has 64.22 % from 119 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, gay, sex
Q: Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas? A: So they'll have something to unwrap.
Vote: has 63.93 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, mexican, racist
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
Vote: has 63.26 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, music
One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner". And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, elf, family, food
Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, elf, Santa
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 62.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris