If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
What did the black kid get for Christmas? YOUR BIKE!
Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."