To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator.
Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart.
Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell.
A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy cow! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
Q: Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas?
A: So they'll have something to unwrap.
What did the black kid get for Christmas?
YOUR BIKE!
Vote:
Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.
"Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."