If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
What did the black kid get for Christmas? YOUR BIKE!
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
Q: Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas? A: So they'll have something to unwrap.