The best communication jokes

I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 73.31 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida. At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going. He then tells the officer that we are going to Florida. The customs officer now asks how long they were going to Florida for. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know how long we are going to Florida for. The husband tells the officer that they were going for 2 months. The customs officer then asks where they were coming from. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to his wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we were coming from. The husband tells the officer that they were from Hamilton. The customs officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that he had dated a lady from Hamilton and she was the worst piece of ass he ever had. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to his wife and says "He thinks he knows you".
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has 73.13 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: communication, couple, dating, old people, travel
Q: How do you make holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it.
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: communication, religious, science
The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...
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has 72.78 % from 1038 votes. More jokes about: birthday, communication, dirty, lesbian, sex
Q: What did the grape say when it was crushed? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, wine
Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?" "Bread" "Yes" "Hamburger" "Ok" A five years girl answered "Light", "Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?" "Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".
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has 72.72 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, food, kids, sex
Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down. He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck. He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking. A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do. He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him. The windows roll down and smoke pours out. He sees a bunch of empty beer bottles. The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?" He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them. The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, men, phone, travel
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?" "No, I'm still alive."
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, political
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, mean, men, wife
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, health
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