Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen...
Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?"
Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"
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Dear haters, I can't help but notice that awesome ends in ME and ugly starts with U.
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Q: Why was the wizard kicked out of school.
A: Because he forgot how to spell.
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A lawyer has just settled down in his new office.
So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients.
After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office.
Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action.
So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you."
He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?"
"Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit."
And walked away.
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George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them.
George called him "The Three Most Powerful Men - Bush, Dick, and Colon".
Bill called his "Sex Between the Bushes"
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Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.
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My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
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Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face?
A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
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A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.
A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing.
The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over.
The brunette joins her.
Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car.
The blonde watches as the car drives away.
The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.
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