The best communication jokes

I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
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has 77.88 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: communication, fitness, gym, mean
Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?" "Bread" "Yes" "Hamburger" "Ok" A five years girl answered "Light", "Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?" "Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".
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has 77.83 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, food, kids, sex
A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?" "You mean J.C?", responds the alien. "yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok". Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!" The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?" The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?" The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"
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has 77.68 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, christian, communication, religious, time
Me using the Siri app on my iPhone: Me: "Siri, call my wife." Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts." Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife." Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife." Me: "Call my wife." Siri: "Which wife?"
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has 77.64 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: communication, phone, stupid, technology, wife
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off? A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: communication, driving, time
Q: What did the grape say when it was crushed? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, wine
Wanna hear a pencil joke? Ugh, nevermind, it's pointless.
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, men, technology, time
My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat." "You're much bigger than that."
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, mean
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