A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
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Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
I use camouflage condoms so they cant see me coming.
When Chuck Norris had a baby he was horny for the nurse and had a 70-inch long.
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Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end.
He'll come out a wide receiver!
I would kick you straight in the vagina...
If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
Lady, how many sex partners have you had?
Three.. oh no, wait... nine - I have forgotten one case.
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
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