The best dirty jokes

Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that's how us guys feel about push-up bras!
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has 76.47 % from 316 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What did one tit say to the other? I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.
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has 76.45 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
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has 76.45 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, sex, women
Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.
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has 76.44 % from 567 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man is on a plane. The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on. The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob." Stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom. The man stands up and says, "Hey hun, dont forget the coffee."
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has 76.44 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice.” The priest says, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” “Never Father, I’m Jewish.” “So then, why are you telling me?” “I’m telling everybody!”
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has 76.44 % from 311 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, jewish, old people, priest
When do boys ask for a girl’s hand? When they get bored by theirs!
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has 76.42 % from 269 votes. More jokes about: dirty
There were three nurses in a morgue... They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on. The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste". After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it. The 2nd nurse did the same. The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period. After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it. After 3 minutes the man woke up. The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a few minutes ago" The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, disgusting, nurse, sex
I like my women how I like my laptop. Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.
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has 76.30 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: computer, dirty, women
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
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has 76.30 % from 249 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, masturbation, money, sex
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