The best dirty jokes

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.
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has 76.23 % from 299 votes. More jokes about: dirty, prison, sex
Q: Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? A: One cup and you're up all night.
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has 76.22 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: dirty, viagra
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie" The first man asks "Can i make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"
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has 76.19 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fish, genie, money
A guy feels out an application for E-harmony to meet the ladies. E-harmony rejected his application because he failed to answer question 14 properly. The question was, "What do you like most in a woman." The man replied, "My d*ck."
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has 76.12 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: dirty
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss. The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way. The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went. The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.
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has 76.08 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: dirty
One day, a hippie and a nun get on a bus. The hippie whispers into the nun's ear and says "You wanna have sex?" and the nun says, "No way you sicko!", after that, the hippie gets off the bus and tells the bus driver to tell the nuns to go to the graveyard at 9:00pm that night. At 9:00pm the nun arrives at the graveyard and the hippie is there dressed as god. The hippie then commands the nun to have sex with him and the nun replies, "Ok, but can you do it up the back?", the hippie agrees and they do it. After they're done, the hippie pulls of his mask and yells, "HA! I am the hippie from the bus" then the nun pulls of HIS mask and says "HA! I am the bus driver!"
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has 76.04 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What's the best part about gardening? A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: dirty, work
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!" The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"
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has 75.93 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: dirty
There were three nurses in a morgue... They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on. The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste". After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it. The 2nd nurse did the same. The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period. After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it. After 3 minutes the man woke up. The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a few minutes ago" The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
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has 75.92 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, disgusting, nurse, sex
My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
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has 75.91 % from 1473 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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