A guy feels out an application for E-harmony to meet the ladies.
E-harmony rejected his application because he failed to answer question 14 properly.
The question was, "What do you like most in a woman."
The man replied, "My d*ck."
"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand."
"Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?"
"I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"
Vote:
Girl: I get horny everytime I hear something sexual, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name?
Me: Sir BJ Anal The 69th.
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own.
He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them.
As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date.
This was the first time this had occurred.
As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived.
Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo.
We're going to the show, is she ready to go?"
The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?"
Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door.
The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.
One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker.
Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District.
A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse.
The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs.
So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before.
He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!"
The hooker replies, "Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"
A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady if she had a woman that could handle 16 inches.
"Hmm," said the madam. "I'm not sure. Try the first door on the right."
So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and immediately heard screams.
"It's too big! Take it out!" So he went to the madam.
"No, really. I need someone who can handle 16 inches."
"Hmm," said the madam. "Try the last door."
So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and had the time of his life, surprised that there was no scream at all.
In fact, he heard no sounds at all.
Puzzled, he finished up and pulled out.
"Talk to me, baby."
"Moo."
During an international gynaecology conference, an English doctor, Dr. UK, Steve, and a French doctor, Dr. Myrddin, were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.
"Only last week," Dr. Myrddin said, "a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!"
"Don't be absurd, "Dr. UK Steve exclaimed, "It couldn't have been that big. My God, man, she wouldn't be able to walk if it were."
"Aah, you English, always thinking about size," replied Dr. Myrddin.
"I was talking about the flavour!"
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend".
"Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"?
After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked.
One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this.
Yep I was a very dumb child.