The best dirty jokes

My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
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has 75.91 % from 1473 votes. More jokes about: dirty
One day, a hippie and a nun get on a bus. The hippie whispers into the nun's ear and says "You wanna have sex?" and the nun says, "No way you sicko!", after that, the hippie gets off the bus and tells the bus driver to tell the nuns to go to the graveyard at 9:00pm that night. At 9:00pm the nun arrives at the graveyard and the hippie is there dressed as god. The hippie then commands the nun to have sex with him and the nun replies, "Ok, but can you do it up the back?", the hippie agrees and they do it. After they're done, the hippie pulls of his mask and yells, "HA! I am the hippie from the bus" then the nun pulls of HIS mask and says "HA! I am the bus driver!"
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has 75.89 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, money
Q: What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt? A: Self-employed.
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has 75.62 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: dirty
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her p*ssy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says,"Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight p*ssy!".
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has 75.60 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: dirty
During an international gynaecology conference, an English doctor, Dr. UK, Steve, and a French doctor, Dr. Myrddin, were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently. "Only last week," Dr. Myrddin said, "a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!" "Don't be absurd, "Dr. UK Steve exclaimed, "It couldn't have been that big. My God, man, she wouldn't be able to walk if it were." "Aah, you English, always thinking about size," replied Dr. Myrddin. "I was talking about the flavour!"
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has 75.48 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
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has 75.42 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, car, dirty, sex
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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has 75.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, wife, work
George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them. George called him "The Three Most Powerful Men - Bush, Dick, and Colon". Bill called his "Sex Between the Bushes"
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has 75.38 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, political, sex
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?" Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
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has 75.24 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, life, sex
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