The best dirty jokes

If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
Vote:
has 75.18 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he’s sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished. The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him a £5.00 note. The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father,...you’re a virgin." The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark. The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it’s a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing. The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another £5.00 note. Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin." At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says, "that’s twice you’ve called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?" "Yes," says the kid, "a tight cunt."
Vote:
has 75.09 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: dirty, kids, money, priest, work
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Canada decided to conduct their own study. The Canucks didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00, the Canadian study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead!
Vote:
has 75.08 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: dirty, money, sex
A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"
Vote:
has 75.05 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: dirty, medical, parrot, viagra
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
Vote:
has 75.05 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
Q: What do a gay and a garbage truck have in common? A: Both take it in the rear.
Vote:
has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: car, dirty, gay
A woman asked her lover, "Would you keep f*ck me that much even after marriage? He replied, "Sure dear, if your husband had no objection."
Vote:
has 74.97 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
Vote:
has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, money
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
Vote:
has 74.89 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, sex, women
One day a man was hiking down an old dirt road when he noticed, down an embankment, a man tied naked, face down to a large fallen tree. The hiker ran down to the man, and while removing his backpack asked, "What happened to you?" The tied up man began to tell him, "I picked up a hitchhiker and a few miles down the road he held me up. He told me to pull over and took my car, my money, and all of my clothes. Then he tied me up to this tree." The hiker unzipped his fly and said, "Boy, this just isn't your day, is it?"
Vote:
has 74.81 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: dirty
<<<29303132
More jokes →
Page 29 of 90.