The best dirty jokes

My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
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has 74.59 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
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has 74.44 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, friendship, phone, sex
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?" Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
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has 74.29 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, life, sex
Man comes home to find his 17 yr old daughter with a d*ldo up her. "What are you doing," he shouts. "Well you won't let me have a boyfriend so this is my substitute," she explains. The next night the daughter comes home to find her dad with a d*ldo up his arse drinking a can of beer, "What are you doing," she shouts. He replays, "Having a beer with your boyfriend."
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has 74.16 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital. When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out." The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?" The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
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has 74.14 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, marriage, sex
A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sex problems. This prescription makes his dick strong and heathy. There is only one side effect. That diet causes he blows many farts daily!
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has 74.11 % from 223 votes. More jokes about: dating, dirty, disgusting, fart, sex
A drunk guy is sitting at a bar by himself one night and throws up all over the front of his shirt. "Oh great, my wife is going to kill me," he mumbles to himself. The guy sitting next to him sees what has happened and leans over towards him, "Hey buddy, just put a twenty dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when you get home tell your wife the guy sitting next to you threw up on you and he gave you $20 to get your shirt cleaned." Completely inebriated the drunk man thanks his new friend and puts a twenty in his shirt pocket and heads for home. As soon as he walks through the front door his wife becomes irate and starts yelling at him, "Where have you been? you're completely drunk and you're a mess. Look at yourself, you puked all over the front of your shirt." Completely wasted and slurring his words he explains to the wife, "No no, the guy sitting next to me threw up on my shirt and he gave me $20 to get it cleaned. Look, it's right here in my shirt pocket." The wife reaches into his pocket and pulls out the money, "There's $40 in here." "Oh yeah, he shit in my pants too."
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has 74.05 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, disgusting
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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has 74.05 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
They are going to play golf at the business meeting. The guy flies out there a day early. He's got all day in Japan so he decides he wants to get himself a geisha. He goes to a house of ill repute and finds what he's looking for. He takes her in back and starts doing his thing. The girl starts going crazy. She starts yelling, "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!" He thinks, "This girl is loving this." Next day in the golf course he hits a hole in one. He doesn't know any Japanese so he yells, "Machigatta ana!" The Japanese guys ask him, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
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has 74.02 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: dirty, ethnic, golf, sex
A woman wants everything from one man. A man wants one thing from all the women.
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has 73.80 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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