The best dirty jokes

What did the Left Nut say to the right nut? Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a d*ck!...
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has 73.25 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Once there was this man whose car broke down. He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch. He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in. But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.'' She let him sleep in the laundry room. He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters. After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed. Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down. Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!'' He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable. Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it. In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule. Watch out.'' He was sent onto the porch to sleep. All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him. Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald. Here came the grandma. ''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.'' The cops came and requested a description of what happened. The old lady said, ''That man is a damned rapist. He pulled down my pants, slapped my ass and shaved my pussy!''
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has 73.25 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Little gay Johnny asks Billy, "If you went camping and woke up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone? Billy says, "No way, that'd be embarassing". Johnny then asks, "Wanna go camping?"
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has 73.12 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
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has 73.12 % from 198 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, phone, sex, time
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it. Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
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has 73.10 % from 169 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom. Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?" "My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty, marriage, mean, relationship, sex
Have you ever seen the serial number on a condom? No? Oh sorry, you must not have to roll it down that far.
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, sex
( boy 1 ) : you need to say what ever i say in backwards. ( boy 2 ) : okay. ( boy 1 ) : A B C ( boy 2 ) : C B A ( boy 1 ) : 1 2 3 ( boy 2 ) : 3 2 1 ( boy 1 ) : okay lets make this harder : CRACK MY FINGER ( Boy 2 ) : Finger my crack .
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has 72.82 % from 482 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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has 72.78 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game, masturbation, sex
An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face. "What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord. "Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !" "Did you get a blow job ?" asks the landlord. "No ..." he says, "I never found the head."
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has 72.78 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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