The best dirty jokes

Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex: - You can GET chocolate. - Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft. - You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. - You can have chocolate in in public. - If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind. - The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. - You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. - No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate. - Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. - You can have chocolate at any time of the month. - You are never too young or too old for chocolate. - Size doesn't matter - though more is still better.
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has 73.58 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, sex
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? A: Snap-on tools!
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has 73.57 % from 500 votes. More jokes about: dirty, lesbian, mechanic
An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants and raised her legs. The dentist said: "Excuse me; I 'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady "I want you to take my husband's teeth out."
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has 73.42 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: dentist, dirty, husband, old people, sex
A woman heads to the doctors office for her usual checkup. While there, the doc notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of an H and inquires about it, "Oh, my boyfriend likes to wear his Harvard sweater during sex." The next day, another woman comes in, for a checkup. While there, the doctor notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of a Y and inquires about it,"Oh, my boyfriend is really into wearing his Yale sweater during sex." The next day, another woman comes in, again, for a simple checkup. This woman too has a rash on her chest, and the doctor, catching on with the trend, asks,"So, Does your boyfriend go to Wisconsin?" The girl replies, "Nah, but my girlfriend goes to Michigan."
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it. Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
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has 73.41 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
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has 73.37 % from 200 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, phone, sex, time
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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has 73.35 % from 179 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game, masturbation, sex
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
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has 73.31 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
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has 73.31 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
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has 73.31 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game, masturbation
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