The best dirty jokes

A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. "Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me." "I know!" grinned the patient. "But the nurses kind of formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches."
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has 73.43 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: dirty, hospital, nurse
A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital. When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out." The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?" The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
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has 73.27 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, doctor, marriage, sex
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
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has 73.23 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!
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has 73.22 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, flirt, food, sex
Q: What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt? A: Self-employed.
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has 73.22 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: dirty
( boy 1 ) : you need to say what ever i say in backwards. ( boy 2 ) : okay. ( boy 1 ) : A B C ( boy 2 ) : C B A ( boy 1 ) : 1 2 3 ( boy 2 ) : 3 2 1 ( boy 1 ) : okay lets make this harder : CRACK MY FINGER ( Boy 2 ) : Finger my crack .
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has 73.19 % from 465 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A woman wants everything from one man. A man wants one thing from all the women.
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has 73.18 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
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has 73.01 % from 242 votes. More jokes about: car, death, dirty, gay, sex
A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport. He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines. The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport. There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year. The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob." The driver declines immediately. The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing. When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: dirty, driving, mean, money, time
Teacher: "Who knows what is a difference between a snowman and snowwoman?" Little Johnny: "Three snowballs!"
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has 72.91 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, teacher, winter
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