The best dirty jokes

Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, wife, work
I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, time, work
A woman wants everything from one man. A man wants one thing from all the women.
Vote: has 73.86 % from 131 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The s*x was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."
Vote: has 73.80 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
( boy 1 ) : you need to say what ever i say in backwards. ( boy 2 ) : okay. ( boy 1 ) : A B C ( boy 2 ) : C B A ( boy 1 ) : 1 2 3 ( boy 2 ) : 3 2 1 ( boy 1 ) : okay lets make this harder : CRACK MY FINGER ( Boy 2 ) : Finger my crack .
Vote: has 73.76 % from 451 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A man who just died is taken to the local mortuary. He is wearing an very expensive and high quality tailored blue suit. The mortician is a blonde female and she asks the wife of the deceased man wife how she would like the body to be dressed. The motician says that the man does look very distinguished in the blue suit he is already wearing. His widow, however, says that she always preferred her husband in black, and that she would like him in a black suit. She gives the blonde mortician a signed, blank cheque and says, "Spend whatever you need no matter what the cost, but please have my husband in a well tailored black suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the viewing and to her delight, her husband dressed in a fabulous black suit. The suit fits him as if it were tailor made. She says to the mortician, "You have done a magnificent job and I'm very pleased and grateful. How much did the suit cost?" To her amazement, the blonde mortician gives her back the blank cheque. "There's no charge," she says. "No, really, I must repay you for the cost of that exquisite black suit!" she says. "Honestly," the blonde says, "It cost me nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husbands size was brought in yesterday shortly after you left, he was dressed in a very attractive black suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a beautifully tailored blue suit instead, and she said it did not make any difference as long as he looked good..." "So I just swapped their heads."
Vote: has 73.60 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts of all types and values. At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison. Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, ".....but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you?" He said, "...Scr*w him...give him a dollar." The blonde then blushed and said, "....But the breakfast was my idea."
Vote: has 73.58 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A mother without any pant was playing with her son. The boy pointing to her mother's pussy asked: "Mammy, what is that dark wooly between your feet? Mother: "My sweet that is a brush." Son: "Where is it's bundle?" Mother: "In your daddy's pant."
Vote: has 73.58 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, kids, sex
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
Vote: has 73.54 % from 99 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, family, marriage, sex, wife
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, health, money