Chuck Norris never gets dirty. The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra? A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
Q: Why do dogs lick their balls? A: Because they can. Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches? A: Same reason.
A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill. However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a problem." "Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks "I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.