The best dirty jokes

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
Vote: has 60.69 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

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Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him: "Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!" "I do not want," says the little one. "Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful." "I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest. "My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow." And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
Vote: has 60.66 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, dirty, food, kids
Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party? A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, love, party
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
Vote: has 60.35 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
Yo mama so fat you cant tell if she got a penis or a vagina.
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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Q: How big are the pastro's beds? A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, kids, religious, sex
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Vote: has 60.01 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton? A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.
Vote: has 59.83 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, dirty
He came into my room late at night. He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left. It was terrible. It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!
Vote: has 59.83 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

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What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women? Bingo!
Vote: has 59.80 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

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