The best dirty jokes

What's the rudest type of Elf? The GofuckyoursElf.
Vote: has 61.39 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Whats the difference between Niagara and Viagra? A: Niagara Falls.
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

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"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Vote: has 61.19 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

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The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? A: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
Vote: has 60.97 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

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I never drink water… fish f**k in it.
Vote: has 60.88 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

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There was three girls and they all had boyfriends and separate rooms. The mom walked by all the rooms. The first room she hears laughing, the second room she heard screaming and the third was totally quiet. The mom was suspicious, so she asked the third girl why was she so quiet she replied, "My boyfriend said not to talk with my mouth full."
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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A woman walks into a dildo shop to buy a dildo. After a few minutes of looking around she approaches the clerk. "Excuse me, do you have anything bigger?" She asks. The clerk shows her a few items on the shelf. "I'm looking for something bigger than those," she says. The clerk pauses for a moment, "I think I might have what you're looking for, but it's expensive." "Oh that's fine," she says. The clerk leads her to the counter where he was sitting and pulls out a massive chrome cylinder. "$500" he says. "Oh wow," says the woman, "that is expensive, but it's perfect." The woman hands the clerk $500 and happily leaves the store. The store owner comes out and asks the clerk, "so have you sold any dildos?" "No, but I sold my thermos for $500."
Vote: has 60.69 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

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I'd have a comeback for that, but all my come's backed up in your throat.
Vote: has 60.69 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

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