The best dirty jokes

Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
Vote: has 62.79 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
Vote: has 62.79 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, gay
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
Vote: has 62.75 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, ugly
I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date. I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
Vote: has 62.74 % from 99 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, dirty
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
Vote: has 62.69 % from 161 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty, wife
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."
Vote: has 62.69 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Vote: has 62.44 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, priest
Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t." "But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies. "But, I do."
Vote: has 62.19 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Vote: has 62.14 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, sport
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
Vote: has 62.10 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, dog, fish, husband, wife