The best dirty jokes

One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost." God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest." The man replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"
Vote: has 67.15 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, god, science
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
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More jokes about: dirty, men, winter, women
Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
Vote: has 67.15 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, dirty, money, sex, women
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Vote: has 67.11 % from 89 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."
Vote: has 67.10 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, dirty
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
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More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, flirt, Halloween, sex
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her. "...........dishes."
Vote: has 67.03 % from 223 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, wife
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, single
Johny came crying. Dad: "What happened?" Johny: "Today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out." Dad: "That's bad, but why you are crying?" Johny: "I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me."
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, vulgar
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Vote: has 66.92 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, time, wife


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