The best dirty jokes

What’s the difference between a barmaid in the evening and a barmaid at night? A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom. A barmaid at night is bare and...
Vote:
has 66.75 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her. "...........dishes."
Vote:
has 66.71 % from 224 votes. More jokes about: dirty, wife
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
Vote:
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, Valentines day
One day a fellow came into the bar with a cat, not just any cat, but a mean-looking ginger tom. You could see the scars from across the room. But that wasn't the weirdest thing; a six-foot ostrich - eyes like golf balls, followed them in - a real live ostrich! I asked the man what he wanted. "I'll have a pint of bitter," he said. "A pint of lager for the ostrich and a gin and tonic for the cat." The cat hissed at him. "Make that a double gin and tonic. Thanks." Well, I served the drinks, he paid, and they all knocked 'em back. Wasn't long before the ostrich came back to the bar, and made it clear that it wanted the same again. Well, I poured them. I could feel the cat's eyes burning through me as if he was checking that he got his double again. I took the drinks over to them, and the man paid, taking the cash from a purse tied around the ostrich's neck. This went on for a couple of hours. The man and the ostrich buying alternate rounds, while the cat just sat on the window shelf with his drink, looking fit to kill. The whole place got quiet. People sat and stared, and who could blame them? Eventually, I plucked up the courage to ask the fellow just what was going on. "Can't a man have a quiet drink anymore?" he rasped. So I said, "No harm meant, but you've got to admit that you're a unique set of drinkers. He smiled, but there was no light in that smile. "Okay, you want to know? I'll tell you." "I was across town the other week, working on the new road. Amid the dirt and the rubble, I turned up this old brass lamp. I rubbed it, thinking there might be a date or inscription or something. Anyway, out comes this cloud of smoke and a Genie appeared. You know - turban, scimitar, and the whole works. And he tells me I've got just one wish." "And before you ask, yes, I did wish for a long-legged bird with a tight pussy. But this wasn't what I had in mind."
Vote:
has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: bar, cat, communication, dirty, genie
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Vote:
has 66.43 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
Vote:
has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, friendship, phone, sex
Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
Vote:
has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, food, money, sex
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Vote:
has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, flirt, game, sex
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up. The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.” The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.” “That’s what my father says.”
Vote:
has 66.27 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dad, dirty
There were three women sitting at a bar, talking about how loose they were. One woman said that her husband could fit his arm in up to his elbow. The next woman said her man could fit his leg in up to his knee. The last woman just slid over the bar stool.
Vote:
has 66.27 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, husband
<<<48495051
More jokes →
Page 48 of 92.