The best dirty jokes

My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "We do, I'm making tea."
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has 66.63 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, Valentines day
This guy goes into a Sperm Bank with a gun and a ski mask and yells at the receptionist to open the safe. She's confused, thinking this is the world's dumbest criminal. "Sir, this is a sperm bank, we don't have money in here! That safe is full of donated sperm samples!" The robber screams for her to open it. At this point, she's confused. Maybe he's just a guy who thought better of becoming an anonymous donor and wants his sample back. She opens the safe like he commanded. The robber yells: "Now bring over that tray!" The woman does as he asks and brings the tray of sperm samples to the counter. As soon as the tray hits the counter, the menacing criminal makes further demands: "Now open that container and drink it!" The woman's gag reflex triggers. She barely manages to stammer out "that's disgusting! I won't do it!" Angered the man in the ski mask cocks the hammer on his pistol and repeats his command to drink one of the samples. The woman complies, he tells her to drink another, and another until the entire tray is gone. Once the last cup is finished the man pulls off his ski mask and goes: "See honey, it's not that fucking hard."
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has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.
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has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty, marriage, masturbation, technology, work
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with 3 Playboy Playmates A: Hugh Hefner.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, viagra, women
Two guys are in a bar. "Hey, I've got an idea -- let's play 'Twenty Questions!'" "'Twenty Questions?' How do you play?" "You ask me questions and try to guess what I'm thinking of." "Okay. But you have to write down what you're thinking of so I know you're not cheating." The man agrees, and writes down 'moosecock' on a small piece of paper. "Okay, I got a question. Does it taste good?" "Uhh...I guess so." "Is it moosecock?"
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has 66.40 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, friendship, phone, sex
What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.
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has 66.27 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up. The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.” The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.” “That’s what my father says.”
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has 66.27 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dad, dirty
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