The best dirty jokes

Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with 3 Playboy Playmates A: Hugh Hefner.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, viagra, women
Q: What do a gay and a garbage truck have in common? A: Both take it in the rear.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: car, dirty, gay
There were three women sitting at a bar, talking about how loose they were. One woman said that her husband could fit his arm in up to his elbow. The next woman said her man could fit his leg in up to his knee. The last woman just slid over the bar stool.
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has 66.50 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, husband
One day little Jonny was at his house asleep until he heard his parents arguing and his mom called the dad a "bastard" and the dad called the mom a "bitch". So little Jonny asked, "dad what does bitch and bastard mean?" Then his dad said it meant "ladies and gentlemen." So the next day little Jonny was upstairs in his room until he heard his mom moaning. He walked into their room and the mom said "feel my titties" and the dad said "choke on my dick". Little Jonny asked, "dad what does titties and dicks mean?" So his dad said "coats and jackets." Then it was Thanksgiving and they were having family over for the day and Little Jonny went upstairs and heard his dad say "shit!" Because he had cut himself. And Little Jonny said, "dad what does shit mean?" So his dad said "it means wiping shaving cream off my face." So little Jonny went back downstairs and his mom was in the kitchen stuffing a turkey and she yelled: "fuck!" So little Jonny asked, "what does fuck mean?" And she said "stuffing the turkey." Then the doorbell rang, and Little Jonny opened the door and said: "hello bitches and bastards put your titties and dicks on the coat racket, my dads, upstairs wiping the shit off his face and my moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
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has 66.50 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, Thanksgiving, vulgar
Yo mama's like a library, she's open to the public.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: dirty, insulting, sex, Yo mama
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
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has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, friendship, phone, sex
Two guys are in a bar. "Hey, I've got an idea -- let's play 'Twenty Questions!'" "'Twenty Questions?' How do you play?" "You ask me questions and try to guess what I'm thinking of." "Okay. But you have to write down what you're thinking of so I know you're not cheating." The man agrees, and writes down 'moosecock' on a small piece of paper. "Okay, I got a question. Does it taste good?" "Uhh...I guess so." "Is it moosecock?"
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has 66.34 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up. The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.” The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.” “That’s what my father says.”
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has 66.27 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dad, dirty
Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
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has 66.21 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
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