The best dirty jokes

Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
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My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t." "But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies. "But, I do."
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How do you know when a Barbie has her period? All your tic tacks are gone.
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What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
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Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
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A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs. "That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there. "No," he said, "it's got teeth." "Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!" "Well, I'm not surprised," the man said. "Not with gums like that."
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Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other? A: Nothing. They have never met.
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A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
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Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled." "No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
Vote: has 61.91 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

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