The best dirty jokes

Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless." Doc: "How? Give me an example." Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
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has 65.78 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, vulgar
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
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has 65.73 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: cat, communication, dirty, sex
John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed. The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."
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has 65.63 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, wife
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
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has 65.63 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, flirt, money, sex
Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic? Cause asshole is always in front of you.
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has 65.56 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man goes into a library and asks where he can find books on suicide. ‘First row on the left,’ replied the librarian. The man replies, ‘But I’ve already looked in that section. It’s empty.’ ‘I’m not surprised,’ says the librarian. ‘They don’t often bring them back.'
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has 65.56 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts." Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
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has 65.43 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, dirty, family, kids
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
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has 65.40 % from 296 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
Q: What do you say to a man with five penises? A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
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has 65.30 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Johny came crying. Dad: "What happened?" Johny: "Today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out." Dad: "That's bad, but why you are crying?" Johny: "I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me."
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has 65.29 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, vulgar
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