The best dirty jokes

Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
has 66.98 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, Valentines day
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day. She showed it to me, and it was BDSM. She asked me "What we should do?" Me: "Probably not spank him." She belted me with the magazine. Now I know where he gets it from.
has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, life, wife
A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "We do, I'm making tea."
has 66.92 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty
Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush. Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit. Friend: Ok I can see it... Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there. Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this. Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you. Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl. Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet. Friend: I hate you...
has 66.90 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.” “Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?” “Back to back.” “But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.” “Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, sex, wife
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, Valentines day
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.
has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
What’s the difference between a barmaid in the evening and a barmaid at night? A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom. A barmaid at night is bare and...
has 66.75 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her. "...........dishes."
has 66.71 % from 224 votes. More jokes about: dirty, wife
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
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