The best dirty jokes

Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."
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More jokes about: death, dirty
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
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More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, flirt, Halloween, sex
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her. "...........dishes."
Vote: has 67.03 % from 223 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, wife
Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon? A: A Tic-Tac.
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Johny came crying. Dad: "What happened?" Johny: "Today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out." Dad: "That's bad, but why you are crying?" Johny: "I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me."
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, vulgar
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Vote: has 66.96 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Vote: has 66.92 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, time, wife
Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm in love but not with you... When we broke up you thought I cried But all it was... Was another guy, You told your friends that I was a trick, I told mine that you had a weak dick... I said I loved you And you thought it was true, But guess what baby?! You got played too!
Vote: has 66.90 % from 71 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, insulting, love, mean, poems
A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill. However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a problem." "Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks "I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"
Vote: has 66.88 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, management, masturbation, work
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!" Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, mean, men, women


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