The best dirty jokes

Teacher: "Who can tell a story?" Little Johnny: "Our maid's ass." Teacher: "Why?" Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her ass and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"
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has 67.64 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "We do, I'm making tea."
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has 67.64 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty
When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
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has 67.64 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, hospital, nurse
A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom." One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door. He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away." She says: "What about the good in bed part?" He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women? A: men have an antenna!
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, women
What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.
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has 67.47 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
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has 67.46 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any s*xual advances because of his tiny organ. Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his p*nis. "No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."
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has 67.39 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
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has 67.39 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, food, jewish
Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
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has 67.38 % from 285 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, gay, sex
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