The best dirty jokes

Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Vote: has 62.44 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t." "But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies. "But, I do."
Vote: has 62.19 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

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A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
Vote: has 62.10 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
Vote: has 62.10 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs. "That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there. "No," he said, "it's got teeth." "Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!" "Well, I'm not surprised," the man said. "Not with gums like that."
Vote: has 62.04 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other? A: Nothing. They have never met.
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Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled." "No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
Vote: has 61.91 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why don't witches wear underwear? A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
Vote: has 61.71 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar