The best dirty jokes

A woman walks into a dildo shop to buy a dildo. After a few minutes of looking around she approaches the clerk. "Excuse me, do you have anything bigger?" She asks. The clerk shows her a few items on the shelf. "I'm looking for something bigger than those," she says. The clerk pauses for a moment, "I think I might have what you're looking for, but it's expensive." "Oh that's fine," she says. The clerk leads her to the counter where he was sitting and pulls out a massive chrome cylinder. "$500" he says. "Oh wow," says the woman, "that is expensive, but it's perfect." The woman hands the clerk $500 and happily leaves the store. The store owner comes out and asks the clerk, "so have you sold any dildos?" "No, but I sold my thermos for $500."
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I'd have a comeback for that, but all my come's backed up in your throat.
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What is something nine out of ten people enjoy? Gang rape.
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Q: What do you call nuts on a wall? A: Wallnuts Q: What do you call nuts on your chest? A: Chest nuts Q: What do you call nuts on your chin? A: A penis in your mouth
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He came into my room late at night. He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left. It was terrible. It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!
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Wanna know Victoria's Secret? She has a penis.
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Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
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Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party? A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
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A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
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Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across? A: A double dirty crosser.
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