My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her.
"...........dishes."
A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs.
"That is something you're never going to talk about again.
And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth."
Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared.
One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married.
On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there.
"No," he said, "it's got teeth."
"Silly goose!" she said.
She spread her legs wide for him to see.
"See? No teeth!"
"Well, I'm not surprised," the man said.
"Not with gums like that."
A shepherd goes to a television programme.
A man of the viewers stand up and asks him, "What was the best day of your life?"
The shepherd answers, "Well...the best day of my life was when I lost my donkey in Cuccureddu's mountain, when I found it, i took it to the village's square and everyone fu**ed it."
A second man of the viewers asks him, "And the second best day of your life?"
And the shepherd, "Well...the second one was when in lost a sheep in Cuccureddu's mountain, when I found it, I took it to the village's square and everyone fu**ed it."
So, after that, a third man of the viewers stand up and asks, "And the worse day of your life?."
"The worse day of my life was when I got lost in Cuccureddu's mountain..."
One of the two adult female friends got married and went on honeymoon to Hawaii.
On return curious other girl asked her friend, “What sightseeing places did you go in Hawaii and what did you see?”
The honeymoon girl explained, “For seven days, I saw only the fan on the ceiling of the room and occasionally when turned around, I saw the bed sheet too.”
A crazy man jumps from the bushes and opens his coat in front of an old lady to surprise and terrify her.
The granny takes a look at him and sais: "oh, dash, I´ve forgotten to buy the eggs."
Vote:
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking.
They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment.
After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed.
Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”
The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
Grass is green,
trees are greener.
When I think of you,
I play with my wiener.
Vote:
The Unfortunate Penis:
- You've got a hole in your head.
- You always hang around with two nuts.
- Your closest neighbor is an a**hole.
- Your best friend is a pussy.
- Every time you get excited, you throw up.
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women?
A: men have an antenna!
Vote:
John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed.
The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."