Getting married is like buying a dishwasher.
You'll never have to do it by hand again.
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On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave.
When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around!
I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine.
Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?"
He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
Knock, Knock
Who is there?
A long erected penis with an eye on my head and some wools in my feet.
What do you want?
Is there any body to suck me? I want to weep.
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Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
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Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet.
She is funny, s*xy and flirty.
Now she tells me she is an undercover cop.
How cool is that at her age!
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
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