Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote:
A crazy man jumps from the bushes and opens his coat in front of an old lady to surprise and terrify her.
The granny takes a look at him and sais: "oh, dash, I´ve forgotten to buy the eggs."
Vote:
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus,
but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave.
When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?"
A: "Spit and swallow."
I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine.
Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?"
He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God.
They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.
The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest."
The man replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The engineers said, "Sure, no problem."
He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman?
A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.