My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your chin called? A: A Cock in the mouth!
I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine. Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?" He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus, but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Yo momma's clitoris is as long as my dick.
This guy goes into a Sperm Bank with a gun and a ski mask and yells at the receptionist to open the safe. She's confused, thinking this is the world's dumbest criminal. "Sir, this is a sperm bank, we don't have money in here! That safe is full of donated sperm samples!" The robber screams for her to open it. At this point, she's confused. Maybe he's just a guy who thought better of becoming an anonymous donor and wants his sample back. She opens the safe like he commanded. The robber yells: "Now bring over that tray!" The woman does as he asks and brings the tray of sperm samples to the counter. As soon as the tray hits the counter, the menacing criminal makes further demands: "Now open that container and drink it!" The woman's gag reflex triggers. She barely manages to stammer out "that's disgusting! I won't do it!" Angered the man in the ski mask cocks the hammer on his pistol and repeats his command to drink one of the samples. The woman complies, he tells her to drink another, and another until the entire tray is gone. Once the last cup is finished the man pulls off his ski mask and goes: "See honey, it's not that fucking hard."
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!