There were three women sitting at a bar, talking about how loose they were. One woman said that her husband could fit his arm in up to his elbow. The next woman said her man could fit his leg in up to his knee. The last woman just slid over the bar stool.
Knock-Knock Who is there? A long penis with a naked head. Come in please we were waiting for you.
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were really pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
What does a Rubik's cube and a pen*s have in common? They both get harder the longer you play with them.
Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "