The best dirty jokes

There was once a lady making a stew for dinner when she found she had no onions,so with no time to waste she raced to the shops, burst in saying could i have some onions please. The shopkeeper replied sorry lady we are fresh out of onions. The lady said but i really need onions and gave all the reasons why in one big sentence. The shopkeeper said look lady,I`ll put it to you another way and continued to ask her- if you take the o from tomato what do you have? The lady said tomat,Yes said the man and if you take the o from potato what do you have? The lady said potat. Yes said the man behind the counter,now if you take the fuck out of onions what do you have? "But there's no fuck in onions",said the lady,Yes said the man, That's what I have been trying to tell you!"
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Q: What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? A: Well hung.
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Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t." "But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies. "But, I do."
Vote: has 64.09 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
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Roses are red violets are blue. My dick has glue I offer it to you.
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A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs. "That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there. "No," he said, "it's got teeth." "Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!" "Well, I'm not surprised," the man said. "Not with gums like that."
Vote: has 63.93 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
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Yo momma's clitoris is as long as my dick.
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Two men were talking: First : "Can U put the word 'penis' in a sentence?" Second: "Yo mama's pussy."
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A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
Vote: has 63.83 % from 96 votes. Send joke:
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Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
Vote: has 63.82 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
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Dad says to his son, "Don't mast*rbate to much because you will go blind." Son say, "I'm over here?"
Vote: has 63.81 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
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