The best dirty jokes

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin". BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs: "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
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has 64.29 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, dirty, sport, time
Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic? Cause asshole is always in front of you.
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has 64.28 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? A: Well hung.
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has 64.25 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: dirty, lesbian
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground." So the crocodile bit his legs off.
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has 64.09 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
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has 64.09 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, flirt, money, sex
Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
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has 64.09 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
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has 64.09 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, Valentines day
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
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has 63.81 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."
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has 63.81 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
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has 63.68 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: dirty
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