The best dirty jokes

Dad says to his son, "Don't mast*rbate to much because you will go blind." Son say, "I'm over here?"
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: car, dirty, family
A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, holiday, management, religious
Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus? It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: computer, dirty, geek, IT, viagra
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground." So the crocodile bit his legs off.
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: cat, communication, dirty, sex
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
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has 62.77 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: dirty, funeral, insulting, sex, wife
Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin". BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs: "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
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has 62.76 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, dirty, sport, time
Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet. She is funny, s*xy and flirty. Now she tells me she is an undercover cop. How cool is that at her age!
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has 62.75 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt
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