How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled." "No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Wanna know Victoria's Secret? She has a penis.
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear? A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother." Santa - "Send me your mother."