I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys? Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips.
My girlfriend always calls me a pedophile, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Patient: "I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?" Doctor: "You’ve had an accident involving a bus." Patient: "What happened?" Doctor: "Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Give me the bad news first." Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them." Patient: "That’s terrible! What’s the good news?" Doctor: "There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."
Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him: "Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!" "I do not want," says the little one. "Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful." "I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest. "My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow." And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Q: What did the prick say to the balls? A: You guys hang around here while I go inside!
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"