Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end. He'll come out a wide receiver!
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina. So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra? A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.
Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?" A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?" "No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"
In school, we had to do a skit demonstrating key concepts of the English language. My skit on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend's home. Her mom advised her: "My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn." Next day her mom asked her daughter: "Had you a good day?" The blonde answered: "It was the best day in my life because when my boyfriend touched my pants I told him: 'There is a hot oven and your hand would damage!' But he urged me that I've one hot dog and I wanna to cook it for several times he put his hot dog in my pants and then he put it in my mouth for confident whether it has been cooked or not."