What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong. Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy." "Like what?" asked Fozzie. "Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't." Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that? You're not a prude or anything." "No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff? A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop? A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Whats the second thing thats hard in the morning? waking up!
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"