The best dirty jokes

The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Vote:
has 59.97 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
Vote:
has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Vote:
has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, priest
I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
Vote:
has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, time, work
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
Vote:
has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.” The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!” “Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.” “Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!” “Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a BLOW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the ass!” The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!” “Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!” The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?” The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a blow job!” “Great!” He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shitty!” “Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
Vote:
has 59.89 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, fish, husband, wife
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
Vote:
has 59.85 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: dirty, math, time
Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother." Santa - "Send me your mother."
Vote:
has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dirty
There was three girls and they all had boyfriends and separate rooms. The mom walked by all the rooms. The first room she hears laughing, the second room she heard screaming and the third was totally quiet. The mom was suspicious, so she asked the third girl why was she so quiet she replied, "My boyfriend said not to talk with my mouth full."
Vote:
has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
Vote:
has 59.75 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dirty, kids, sex
<<<66676869
More jokes →
Page 66 of 95.