A father has three daughters that are all getting married on the same day.
He asks his oldest daughter, ''Who do you wish to marry?
She says, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.''
He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question.
She replies, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest.''
He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same thing:
''Who do you wish to marry?''
She replies, ''I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!''
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Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
A black third grader goes to his mom and asks, '"Mom, I have the biggest dick in the third grade. Is that because I'm black?"
And she responds, "No nigga, it's because you're nineteen!"
What does a Rubik's cube and a pen*s have in common?
They both get harder the longer you play with them.
Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers?
A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!
Boy: you left this at my house last night
Girl: that aint mine
Boy : sorry number 32 I thought you were someone else
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period".
His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells".
Johnny asks what color is it.
She says it's red.
Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.