A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.
"I shall call it squishy, and he will be mine. He will be my squishy." "Let go of my boob."
Two lepers playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.
Me - Can you go to your moms room? Friend - Yeah, why? Me - I left my pants in there. Friend - Fuck you!
A little boy asks his Mum "why am I black and you are white ?" "Don't even ask," she replies "when I think back to that party... you are lucky that you not bark !"
Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.
Q: How are women and a hurricane alike? A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.
What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application? Your iphone will keep crashing!
What do dogs and women have in common? They both like 12-inch bones.