The best dirty jokes

A guy picks up a pr*stitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel. A few days later, he finds that he has caught crabs. He chases down the prostitute and says, "hey bitch, you gave me crabs". She replies, "what'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why is a girls pussy like an ocean? A: It's really wet and has a Sperm Whale in it.
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
Roses are red, violets are blue. Pornhub is Down, your mums Facebook will do.
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty, Facebook, poems, technology, Yo mama
The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, money, women
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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has 55.37 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, disgusting, fat
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, flirt, sex
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
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has 54.89 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex
A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
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has 54.77 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time
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