The best dirty jokes

The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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has 54.09 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
Roses are red violets are blue. My dick has glue I offer it to you.
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has 54.08 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, poems, sex
A girl was pampering a horse with her hand while watching display of the horses, suddenly she touched the genital of the horse. The excited horse screeched, jumped and ran away very fast. The horse’s guard faced the girl and said, “Ma’am please do the same to me, so I can run, chase and retrieve my boss’s horse.”
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Two men were talking: First : "Can U put the word 'penis' in a sentence?" Second: "Yo mama's pussy."
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has 53.88 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex, vulgar, Yo mama
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
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has 53.73 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.
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has 53.62 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
Yo mama is so dirty when she jumped in the bath water the water jumped out and said "No I'm good."
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has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, Yo mama
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
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has 53.57 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, dirty, friendship, sex
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
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has 53.18 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dirty, dog, love, sex
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
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has 53.15 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, travel, women
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