Q: What did I do in the bed last night. A: Your mom.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Make choking noises...
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop? A: To let the lumber jack off.
Q: Chuck Norris invented the internet? A: Just so he had a place to store his porn.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Pornhub is Down, your mums Facebook will do.
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
Q: Why is a girls pussy like an ocean? A: It's really wet and has a Sperm Whale in it.
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old. We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes. I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...