The best dirty jokes

If you think your life is bad, how would you like to be an egg? You get laid once in life, you only get eatten once in life, It takes 4 min to get hard, but only 2 min. to get soft, you share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother. Pass this to someone who needs a good lay, sorry I mean day.
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has 53.60 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: To get to the bottom...
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: dirty, travel
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
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has 53.58 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop? A: To let the lumber jack off.
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has 53.58 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why are gays so happy? A: Becuase the luck does not have the courage turning back to them.
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has 53.58 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, life
What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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has 53.57 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, vulgar
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old. We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes. I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
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has 53.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, viagra, wife
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
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has 53.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dirty, dog, love, sex
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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has 53.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
A boy washed with his mum in the bathroom and saw her vagina and asks: "what the hell is this". "It is called a cave" replied the mother. The next day he washed with his father and saw his dick and asks "what the heck is this". "This is called little Johnny". The next day he went to school and his teacher was mad that he came late to school so she told him to sing a song. He started to sing "when the black clouds came out of the mountain little Johnny ran into the cave."
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has 53.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, music, school, sex
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