A little boy asks his Mum "why am I black and you are white ?" "Don't even ask," she replies "when I think back to that party... you are lucky that you not bark !"
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
"I shall call it squishy, and he will be mine. He will be my squishy." "Let go of my boob."
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Two lepers playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old. We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes. I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common? A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Me - Can you go to your moms room? Friend - Yeah, why? Me - I left my pants in there. Friend - Fuck you!
Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.