The best dirty jokes

Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.
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has 53.62 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
If you think your life is bad, how would you like to be an egg? You get laid once in life, you only get eatten once in life, It takes 4 min to get hard, but only 2 min. to get soft, you share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother. Pass this to someone who needs a good lay, sorry I mean day.
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has 53.60 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: dirty
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
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has 53.60 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: cop, dirty, gay, sex
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop? A: To let the lumber jack off.
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has 53.58 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven. "Knock knock," says Peter. Miraculously, someone answers him. "Who's there," a voice in the distance asked. "God," says Peter. "God who," asked the voice? "GOD DAMMIT open these gates! I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
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has 53.46 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, heaven, knock-knock, sex
Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican? A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face!
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has 53.31 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: age, catholic, dirty, priest, sex
A guy went to an electric shop and said: "By a lot of excuse, do you mind me to buy a lamp please?" A manager said: "It isn't necessarily so much apologizes for buying a lamp." The guy said: "Sorry I wanted for installing it in WC."
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has 53.26 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: customer service, dirty, management
Whats the difference between Paris Hilton and a bowling ball? You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
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has 53.05 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
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has 53.05 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dirty, dog, love, sex
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, IT, phone, technology
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