The best dirty jokes

Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Vote: has 49.00 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, lesbian
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? You come in one and you go in the other!
Vote: has 48.95 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
Vote: has 48.79 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, doctor, medical, sex
Yo mama so fat you cant tell if she got a penis or a vagina.
Vote: has 48.78 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, fat, vulgar, Yo mama
A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."
Vote: has 48.78 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, women
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
Vote: has 48.59 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, dirty, flirt, food, sex
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
Vote: has 48.46 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, dirty, gay, sex
As I stand here, and try to piss, I think of the gal that gave me this. If I see her, when I get well, I'll get it again. As sure as Hell.
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, fitness, flirt, food, sex
Knock Knock. Who's There? Justin. Justin who? Your justin time to wipe my ass!
Vote: has 48.25 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, knock-knock, sex