The best dirty jokes

What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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has 53.57 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, vulgar
Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican? A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face!
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has 53.57 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: age, catholic, dirty, priest, sex
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old. We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes. I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
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has 53.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, viagra, wife
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
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has 53.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dirty, dog, love, sex
Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
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has 53.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, food, money, sex
A boy washed with his mum in the bathroom and saw her vagina and asks: "what the hell is this". "It is called a cave" replied the mother. The next day he washed with his father and saw his dick and asks "what the heck is this". "This is called little Johnny". The next day he went to school and his teacher was mad that he came late to school so she told him to sing a song. He started to sing "when the black clouds came out of the mountain little Johnny ran into the cave."
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has 53.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, music, school, sex
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
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has 53.17 % from 261 votes. More jokes about: black humor, black people, dirty
There are an older brother and a younger sister. The sister went to the bathroom while the brother was in the bathroom. The sister asks the brother if she could play with his dick and he says yeah. A few weeks later there was a big storm and the sister goes to the brother's room and asked the brother if she could play with Mr.Cuddles he says no. Then the sister said that she would tell on him so a little pissed of he says yes. After a while, the parents hear a scream. They rush to the brother's room and asks the sister what happened she said "Mr.Cuddles spat on me so I bit his head off."
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty, family, sex, time
Q: What do you call a blonde at a golf course? A: The 19th hole.
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has 52.91 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dirty, golf
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
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has 52.91 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
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