The best dirty jokes

Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper? So she can lip read.
Vote: has 53.07 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
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A Russian guy comes across a bottle of vodka on the street. He picks it up and a genie comes out, "You are my master. You now have one wish." The Russian man says, "I would like to piss vodka." When the he gets home, he tells his wife to get two glasses. She asks what they'll be drinking. He tells her he can piss vodka and demonstrates for her. It was the best vodka they'd ever had. The next night the Russian guy comes home tired and tells his wife to get one glass. She asks, "Why only one glass?" "Because tonight," he says, "you should drink from the bottle."
Vote: has 53.07 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What do you get when you mix chocolate and Viagra? A: Oooh - Henry!
Vote: has 53.07 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
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A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
Vote: has 53.04 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
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What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application? Your iphone will keep crashing!
Vote: has 53.03 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, IT, phone
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Vote: has 52.98 % from 112 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
Vote: has 52.92 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
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Q: How are women and a hurricane alike? A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, dirty, mean, weather, women
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
Vote: has 52.41 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, flirt, health, sex
Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.
Vote: has 52.23 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
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