Your momma's like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow.
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly? A: So you don't poke your eye out.
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw... She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
Knock Knock. Who's There? Justin. Justin who? Your justin time to wipe my ass!
A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."