Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs?
It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
Your momma's like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
Are you gonna eat that?
What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.
A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him.
"We put sugar and cream on ours."
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
Q: What book do women like the most?
A: "Their husbands checkbook!"