Two men were talking about their wives. First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please." Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Fertilizer," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs? It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.
Knock Knock. Who's There? Justin. Justin who? Your justin time to wipe my ass!
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly? A: So you don't poke your eye out.
Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."